SOUTHERN PASSAGE DISCOVERED AT LONG LAST!

We always knew it was there.

Look at a Google Map and any fool can see that what takes 20 miles by truck will only take 10 miles through the woods -- if only the trail can be blazed.

The Southern Passage, a trail through the woods from Attapulgus, GA to Havana, FL, has been a mythical grail since our earliest ancestors first climbed up from the primordial ooze and straddled their four-wheelers. Explorers have spent centuries on that puzzle to no avail, and many of them have been lost forever in the wilds of Booger Bay while making the attempt. This reptile-infested wilderness that straddles the Georgia-Florida border has confounded the best of frontiersmen -- that is, until now.

NEWSFLASH FOLKS! THE PASSAGE IS DISCOVERED!

And naturally, it was discovered by members of the Attapulgus Gang. A couple of weeks ago JR and Larry had a dream, jacked up Polaris's and coolers full of fine brew. They fought their way for hours through the merciless muck of Booger Bay. They reprovisioned at Steve's and he joined them along the twisted trails of outer Havana from which they plowed relentlessly onward, driven not so much by compass as by the force of fearless determination and bolstered further by ample amounts of liquid courage.

Late that evening, after downing Margaritas and chimichangas in Bainbridge, Jerry and Beckie returned to their hacienda bordering the untamed wilderness, and found that the world was changed forever.  The clues were too shattering to ignore.

The lawnmower was on the front steps.

Their boots were mysteriously lined up the stairs and onto the deck, centered, like so many boulders at Stonehenge, with a hidden purpose that only a shaman could understand.

And there, planted dead center in front of their door, was the wrought iron shelf upon which they keep their bug spray -- planted as proof of what had been accomplished -- like the flag planted upon the moon by the first astronauts to land there.  The signs were clear -- people from the woods had been there!  THE PASSAGE HAD BEEN FOUND!

The world owes a debt of gratitude to these brave pioneers.  Never again must an Attapulgus gang member have to suffer the indignity of sharing paved roads with ghetto-blasting Caprices perched on 30" spinners when traveling from Havana to Attapulgus or vice versa.  Never again must any of us actually register a motor vehicle with the states of Georgia or Florida.  We'll take the woods, thank you. 

And thank you three trailblazers -- Larry, JR, and Steve.  You have changed the world.